I had a troubled relationship with my mum and was getting bullied at school. I suffered from poor mental health and was under CAMHS. My siblings were taken in to care by social services and I was a very broken and lost teenage girl. I had friends but they were older than me and couldn’t relate to any of my problems.
My mum had bad mental health and suffered with addiction problems after losing the two younger children. Teachers at school wouldn’t listen or take action against the bullies so the bullies kept on.
Running away
I wanted to run away. I felt like it was the only option I had. At the time, I didn’t see it as a cry for help. But looking back, I can see it was my way of trying to get away from the sadness and upset, but also to get adults to listen to me and see I was struggling. One day I did that. It was late at night and after an argument with my mum I ran away. I walked and walked into the dark night. I remember people driving past and looking at me because it was so late for a. Hold to be walking the streets alone, especially being a girl. I walked for miles and suddenly a storm came. It was raining and there was thunder and lightning and I was very scared. I didn’t have a mobile phone, I didn’t have any money, water or food. I got to the beach and realised what I had done was a very bad idea. I felt scared and unsafe.
People were out and about but I was in the dark and felt so terrified. I hoped someone would find me and I hoped that any police who drove past were looking for me. I decided to knock at the door of my friends dads house and tell him that I had ran away. He let me in and I thought he was going to help me. At first, he did. He told me to come in out of the rain and I did and sat down on his couch. He tried calling my mum but she didn’t answer the phone. My friend was not there so it was just us on our own.
Unfortunately he took advantage of my vulnerability and I ended up being in a much worse situation. I instantly regretted going missing at all. I wanted my mum and I wanted to go home. So I ran home In the early hours of the morning.
As soon as I got home and shut the door behind me I was relieved. I felt so bad for what I had done to my mum and now I had an even bigger problem to deal with. I felt so ashamed and I kept it all a secret. I realised then that I was safer at home than being on the street. If I had stayed home and just called a helpline for advice I would have been much safer.
My reason for sharing this story is to help young people who are thinking of running away. Sometimes it doesn’t go well. Sometimes it ends up going very badly. Unless you have someone who you know very very well, don’t go to someone’s house who you will be alone with unless you know you will be safe.
Remember that sometimes we think we can trust someone but we can’t. It is best to go to a friends house or a relatives house and not leave your friends side until you can talk to a trusted adult. Better yet , talk to a counselor at school or on your mobile phone on your walk to school or back from school.
Getting Help
In the end I told someone from CAMHS what had happened and I received help for the traumatic experience. My mum also got help.
I wished I had gotten help sooner and I want to encourage you to get that help too. Go to your GP and talk to them. You don’t need to go with a parent. I promise they will help you get a referral to someone who you can talk to or a therapist.
No problem is ever too much, you have your whole life to look forward to. Bad times don’t last forever.
Are you thinking of running away?
If you are thinking of doing something similar to Mary, we are here to help.
